I See You Everywhere, Forever

In precise and piercing language, Yannic Biao Federer tells of the loss of his son, of saying goodbye and care work, of parenthood and love. I See You Everywhere, Forever is a document of grief and mourning – and of the healing power of storytelling.

Charlotte and Yannic are expecting a child. Between prenatal screenings, wrapping up projects, and entering their income into parental allowance calculators, they are getting ready to start a new life as a family. Then comes catastrophe. Their son, Gustav Tian Ming, dies. While a moment ago they were googling changing tables and ordering nursing pillows, suddenly they find themselves picking out a baby coffin and deciding what kind of plot to buy at the cemetery. Everything feels wrong. Like some cruel joke. But it’s all really happening. Devastated relatives and friends travel to be with them or pay their respects from afar, taking sacrifices to the temple. And while the couple are battling against a bureaucracy that seems to have no idea how to deal with stillborn babies, Yannic begins to write down what is happening around him. It’s an attempt to make sense of what they are going through, to find a language for the grief and the pain, but also for the warmth and love that is concealed within them.

»Bright light spills through the window, warming up the room, and I take off my sweater, walk around in a T-shirt. I know it’s just weather, but I can't help but believe it’s my son.
Look, I say, Gusti is sending us some morning sunshine.
Yeah, says Charlotte, looking up, smiling. Yeah, he’s consoling us.
Exactly, I say, he’s keeping an eye on us.«

»Yannic Han Biao Federer shows what language, what literature can do.« Cornelia Geissler, Berliner Zeitung

»A book you can't escape.« Martin Oehlen, Frankfurter Rundschau

»The most beautiful and tragic and life-affirming text that I’ve read in a long time. How wonderful that Gustav has parents who are telling us his story.« Daniela Dröscher

»Probably the biggest strength of this impressive book is that it shows how, in the face of the ineffable, we retain the ability to feel and to find words for these feelings. An important, heartbreaking book.« Daniel Schreiber